Betrayal is painful especially when it happens from a person who means everything to you. Who cheated in your relationship? Was it you or was it your other half?
Ever heard this saying “Trust is like a mirror, once broken, it can be fixed but you will still be able to see the cracks.”?
It is so true. No matter who broke the trust in your relationship, it is possible to rebuild it again depending on how much you two want to be together but you would have to accept the fact that it’s not going to be the same anymore.
If you accept that fact, you will be less disappointed every time your boyfriend or girlfriend brings up your mistake during an argument.
SEE ALSO: My wife cheated on me: What do I do now?
The same thing applies to you also. If it wasn’t your fault, they can do everything in the world to try and make your relationship work again but you would still have that tiny dot of doubt stuck in the back of your head all the time.
Before you train yourself to start working on rebuilding the broken trust, you need to ask yourself a few questions:
Do I still love this person? Will I be able to forgive him or her completely with all my heart? Or will he or she ever forgive me fully?
If you cannot give a confident ‘YES’ to all those questions, it might not be worth it to work on it. You can try, but you also have to be prepared to face disappointments from your other half.
Your boyfriend or girlfriend might act strangely even if they say they’ve forgiven you.
Depending on how badly you want to be with this person, you really need to make some changes in your life to show how much you’re trying for them.
These are some things you can do to try and rebuild trust if your other half decides to be with you after finding out about the betrayal:
- Apologize without expecting to be forgiven.
Betrayal is painful and it may take a long time for your boyfriend or girlfriend to forgive you but if you want to be with this person no matter what, apologize for what you did.
First thing you have to do is to tell him or her your mistake. Tell how you feel about doing it; tell how sorry and how deeply you regret what you have done. Tell your boyfriend or girlfriend how you wish it never happened.
Share why you think you’ve done it because your problems might be the reason behind everything. Give a chance to help. And lastly, apologize effectively. If you have to say sorry a hundred million times, then do it.
- Completely lose contact with the person you cheated your other half with.
Why do you still need that person in your life anyway? Even if you say you’re just friends, your boyfriend or girlfriend will not be able to accept it any more.
To be fair, I don’t think they have to accept it. He or she trusted you and you broke that trust. Now if you still want this person in your life, you need to lose contact with the guy or girl you cheated with.
You have to put yourself in your boyfriend or girlfriends shoe and ask yourself if you would be excited if they still keep in touch with the person he or she betrayed you with.
Most likely, you would hate it.
- Avoid being too friendly with people of your opposite gender.
At this point, your boyfriend or girlfriend would hate to see you talking or chilling with anyone of your opposite sex.
It’s not their fault they’re like this now because you broke the trust. It might take months or years, but it will take a lot of time for that trust to start building properly again and you need to make some sacrifices for it to happen.
- Avoid the things your other half hates.
Do you drink a lot? Or spend all day on the computer? Go out late in the night? Does he or she hate you talking to your opposite gender people on Facebook or Whatsapp? Try your best to avoid doing these things and make yourself more available for your other half.
Always remember, you don’t have to do all this unless you still see a future with this person.
One thing you have to put in mind is you are trying to bring back the trust of someone who means everything to you.
Reflect that thought on your words and on your actions.
Act like you are worthy of his or her respect. The old quote “actions speak louder than words” is real.
- Be completely honest. Avoid even the smallest lies. If she or he asks her where you are, tell her where you really are.
- Be consistent and be very responsible. Always put in mind a list of good behaviors he or she finds acceptable and follow them.
When you say you will call, you call. When you say you’ll be home at 7:30, be home by 7:25.
- Try and respond to his or her needs effectively If she needs someone to talk to, you have to be there for her. If she needs some space, give her space.
- Be patient. You can’t expect him or her to trust you right away after what just happened.
Guess what? If your boyfriend or girlfriend decides to be with you even after you cheated, it’s not really you who’s trying hard, it is you’re your other half. That is love and you need to respect that.
Patience is very important when you’re trying to rebuild trust in a relationship.
Don’t give up right away. If you truly love him or her, you will wait.
Also, always remember that cheating doesn’t always have to end with a breakup or a divorce. Sometimes, it just takes a little effort and time.
And lastly, have a positive outlook.
Don’t worry, you’re efforts don’t have to be forever, just until she or he becomes comfortable with you again. It will take quite a long while but at the end, you’ll realize it’s all worth it.
What if it was your other half who cheated and you’re wondering if it’s possible to trust him or her again?
If it wasn’t your fault then your girlfriend or boyfriend will have to be doing all the things above to win your trust again. It will take some time, depending on how much effort he or she puts in.
Also, you need to ask yourself if you still see a future with this person. Do you think you can forgive him or her completely? If you can’t forgive completely, save time and breakup.
It will be painful for both of you but it will be better than suffering with pain forever.