Jerry D (name changed) asks what he can do about a girl he likes that has a boyfriend.
Hi Hamshi. I would like if you could give me advice. I have met an Iranian girl. I myself is Russian. We became friends and things went great. We hanged out in coffee shops during the 4 week duration. After the 4 week it was obvious we liked each other, it was understandable. There was eye-contact, common things that we shared, laughter and so on.
However, once I said that” It is obvious we like each other so i feel we should push our relationship further so I would like to take you on a date”, The girl replied ‘ Yes I like you too but I have a boyfriend. The thing is though her boyfriend is back home in Terhan, Iran and she is here in Canada for 2 years. She is apart 2 years from him. So I gave her my piece of mind and said that he probably already found another girl and forgot about you already. The girl replied’ Yes I understand that distance relationship no works but I wish take my chances”.
By that being said I do respect her loyalty towards her partner but, 2 years such long time. She also said that he visits her every summer. So when I invited her on a date I was being refused. She has not refused me in exact words but just a message that would imply so. She has not said ‘no’. The girl only said that “I like you too but I have boyfriend”. I really like the girl she is just a sweetheart. I would like continue my relationship with her. Would like advice on winning her heart. Please advise me. Thanks for your time and help
Thank you for submitting your question in detail.
After reading your question carefully, It seems like that girl is using you as a temporary source of ——- (you fill in that space), until she permanently reunites with her boyfriend.
From the details you’ve given about her, it’s clear she loves him and wants to take all the chances she has to be with him, and him only.
This would cause you to think, “Why is she acting like she likes me then if she only loves her boyfriend”?
Well the simple answer is, she’s a human. She has emotions, and whatever she’s going through in her love life, could be causing her to seek happiness elsewhere. In this case, it’s you.
She’s clearly enjoying the attention you’re giving her and probably is attracted to you.
“I like you but I have a boyfriend”- That is her telling you in the nicest way possible she wishes to be with him and be your “friend” at the same time.
As much as it might hurt you to realize the truth, she is in love with another guy. God knows what they’re going through in their relationship.
Unless she has told you her boyfriend doesn’t treat her right, it’s not your place to tell her he probably already found another girl. I mean that’s the last thing anyone committed in a long distance relationship would want to hear.
So what there’s no hope for me and her?
As long as she’s in love with her boyfriend, nope, no hope. You can temporarily win her heart and make her date you, but how do you know for sure she won’t back off when her boyfriend reunites with her?
So what do I do now?
Take her out and ask her to tell you exactly how she feels about you and her boyfriend. Ask her if she loves him and if her boyfriend also loves her. Ask her if he treats her right. If she answers yes to all those questions, you’re best choice would be to share your last few words with her and move on.
I wouldn’t advise you to continue to be friends with her, especially after she’s told you she loves her boyfriend. You will always be seeing her as more than a friend and you could tempt her to cheat on her boyfriend too. It’s a bad karma in the end. Not worth all the hassles.
This answer, is obviously not what you wanted to hear, but I’m not a fan of sweet coating things. I say things as they are, from a realistic point of view.
I sincerely hope my answer has given you a better insight on how to handle this situation with her.
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