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Marriage & Divorce

Breakups, Love & Dating, Marriage & Divorce

10 Ways to Deal with Silent Treatment Abuse in Relationships

Silent treatment can be painful beyond what any words can describe. The abuser might not be physically hurting you but they’re slowly killing you inside out. The feeling of not knowing what you did wrong and how long your partner is going to keep on ignoring you is unbearable.

I know because I’ve been through it several times in my past relationships. Do you know what the crazy thing about silent treatment abuse is? You fail to realize you’re being emotionally abused until one day you get that final thought in your head saying “I’ve had enough”. Even then some people will still fail to realize and continue being victims of it.

READ ALSO: 10 Surefire Signs of a Controlling Husband

Before we get to the strategies of dealing with silent treatment abuse, let’s have a look at some of the common questions you may have about it.

What is a silent treatment abuse in relationships?

It’s the nasty moment of air time you get from your boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband for something you have no idea about. The abuser will ignore talking to you and pretend like you don’t even exist for as long as they wish.

But why though? What do they get out of it?

Here are some common reasons why your partner is giving you cold shoulders:

  • He or she wants you to realize something you did or said wrong and apologize and make up for it.
  • Random mood swings/stress and they’re taking it out on you.
  • They need to fill up their regular dose of special attention from you using the silent treatment method.
  • For the pure pleasure of seeing you anxious and messed up.

How long does silent treatment abuse usually last for?

For as long as you can tolerate the BS. Literally.

Silent treatment can last for anywhere between a few hours to months or even years for some people. It’s really sad thinking about the fact some people will actually tolerate it for years hopelessly.

What does the abuser usually do?

Some examples:

  • Simply avoids communication of any sort for as long as they wish.
  • Expects you to suck up to them about what you did wrong and how you can make up.
  • Leaves you clueless and worried.
  • Gives you random mood swings and sarcastic comments/ or 1 word replies.
  • Won’t tell you exact reason why they’re mad at you.
  • They find you annoying when you make a move and when you don’t.
  • Avoiding to be in your presence.
  • Avoiding any physical contact.
  • Stubborn for no reason.
  • Some use silent treatment as an escape from serious conversations.
  • Would ignore you in front of other people too.
  • They would go on about with their day to day activities while you stay stressed about what went wrong.
  • They want you to feel guilty and stay guilty.
  • Some give silent treatment until the victim works out what went wrong and makes it up to them for it.

How does the victim of silent treatment abuse feel about it?

Examples of how the victim feels:

  • The victim of silent treatment abuse would instantly feel like “What did I do wrong this time?”.
  • Their mind becomes trained to think as if they did something wrong to deserve the silent treatment.
  • Tired and exhausted of asking for forgiveness for something they have no idea about.
  • Tons of anxiety, fear and stress.
  • Sleepless nights.
  • Feeling isolated.
  • Depending on how long and how often the abuse is taking place, some victims will start growing anger and hatred towards their partner.
  • Feels suffocated and starts looking for a desperate solution anywhere.

Continue to Page 2…

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Marriage & Divorce

10 Surefire Signs of a Controlling Husband

photo credit: via photopin (license)

photo credit: via photopin (license)

Let’s get this out of the way first. Getting married is like picking out a bunch of fresh roses from your garden. No matter how beautiful they look, they’re still going to come with their ugly and painful thorns. Husbands are pretty similar. They can be loving, faithful and all that, but they can also be a pain the A** many times. Except with the roses, you can easily chop off their thorns (*_*). If only you can do that with husbands…

So here are 10 obvious and some not so obvious signs your husband is one hell of a controlling donkey.

NO 1: You feel isolated from people who matter to you.

If your husband is a controlling man, there’s a good chance he’s always trying to keep you away from your loved ones. Your family and friends. He doesn’t like it when you spend time with them. He pretends to be cool with it but you can tell from his facial expressions and the way he speaks, he doesn’t want you to spend time with them.

He slyly decides who you should talk to and who not to. A controlling husband would come up with all kinds of silly reasons as to why you shouldn’t talk to someone who matters to you.

Think about the last time you were able to have a nice long conversation with one of your close friends or a family member.

NO 2: The only males in your life should be him, your dad, granddad and brothers (if any).

A controlling husband would make it out like it’s a sin to have casual conversations with another man who could be a colleague, friend or even a neighbor. Even though you know in your heart you’re not doing anything wrong, he tries his best to make it out like you are.

Like hello…when you exchanged those marriage vows, you didn’t also sign up to be caged for life.

Some of them will go to the extremes of not allowing their wives to talk to their male cousins. Like really? And don’t be surprised when you’re reading this but there are also some who won’t even allow their wives to make eye contact with other men in a casual way. Yup. Just take a deep breath and let that sink in. Hopefully you’re not going through this kind of BS.

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Marriage & Divorce

How to Resist the Temptation of Cheating on Your Spouse

The simple and sure cure to fight temptation is true love and that is, to start loving your husband or wife the way you did when you exchanged your marriage vows or even before that.

There is no magical potion or meditations of any kind to fight cheating temptation because it’s a feeling from your heart. Even if it’s not something fascinating to hear about, it is the truth.

Also Read: 10 Tips to be a Good Wife to your Husband

Truly fall in love with your spouse once again (or for the first time if you never did) to resist falling for the other person.

It’s not completely unusual for married couples to start losing interest in each other as the years go by, but that doesn’t mean the “once upon a time” love is gone.

It’s there, hidden with lots of bitterness, anger, excuses and reasons as to why your husband or wife is not the same anymore.

The first thing you need to do is to ask yourself the following questions and take a moment to think about the real answers from your heart.

  • What has my husband or wife done so wrong that makes me want to cheat and break his or her heart?
  • How would I feel if my husband or wife cheated on me?
  • What is the real intention of this person who wants to ruin my marriage life?
  • What about my children? What sort of a role model am I going to be for them if I cheat on their mom or dad for another person?
  • How will I or the children be able to cope with divorce if it happens?

Those questions should have knocked a little sense as to why the short time happiness of cheating can ruin your permanent joy.

Yeah, I get all that, but the temptation is too strong and It is not leaving me alone. What do I do now?

Tell the other person how much you love your husband or wife and how you’re not ready to lose the precious house you own for a short time luxury hotel stay. The man or woman your cheating your spouse with is the luxury hotel stay, it will be all fun while it lasts but can you carry on staying there forever? NO.

Remove this person from your life and have absolutely no contact with him or her, ever. Don’t try to fall for their or your own lies of being ‘just friends’ because that is NOT going to work out. Eventually the temptation will strike you and you will fall for it harder than you did the first time.

Block his or her number, delete from all your social networks and do whatever it takes to make sure you never hear from this person again.

Of course, it’s the last thing you would do when you’ve already found yourself attracted to that person, but believe me, if you do this right away, it will save you from a whole load of heartache, consequences, drama and karma later.

And when you’ve done that…

Congratulations! You’ve already kicked temptations butt.

Will it last though? Or will it strike you again?

This is when you need to read the first paragraph of this post again and put it into action.

Start loving your wife or husband truly again.

The next post will be on how to fall in love with your husband or wife, AGAIN.

In the meantime, share your feelings about the cheating temptations. How are you handling it?

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Marriage & Divorce

How to Turn Your Monster in Law into Mother in Law (5 Tips)

Does waking up to a knock on the door or a phone call from your mother in law feel like a nightmare? You don’t want to have anything to do with her whatsoever because she seems so “errrrgh annoying”?

These tips are for you if you’re in a position where you haven’t done (you think so) anything wrong to her but she simply won’t stop getting on your nerves.

Also Read: 10 Tips to be a Good Wife to Your Husband

Remember, these are tips to help you bond with your mother in law and not things that will make her hate you (more if she already does).

NO 1: Mentally prepare yourself to stop seeing her as Monster in Law.

You have to understand one major fact here, she is the mother of your husband. He loves her no matter what and he will always love her. If it wasn’t because of her, you wouldn’t have even met your husband.

How much do you love him? If you love him with all your heart, you need to be able to love his loved ones also.

Sure, you can’t please everyone in this world but people like his mother and father are individuals you have to learn to bond with somehow.

Unless she hates you to the point where she wants to hurt you physically, you need to accept her as an important person in your heart. We do all kinds of things for people we care about right?

Just imagine how happy and peaceful you’d feel when your mother in law starts treating you like her own daughter? You can make it happen if you’re willing to make some efforts for it.

NO 2: Understand that he was her son before he became your husband.

Has your husband by any chance forgotten to give her the respect and love she used to get from him before he married you? If he did, she’s going to think it was because of you.

Of course she’d want her son to be happy with his wife but no mother can share her part of love with anyone else.

If he has been ignoring her wishes or not paying much attention to her as he used to, the blame is going to come on you.

Sometimes he might still be the same as he used to be but she will test once in a while to see where she stands. She wants to know who is more important to him now. Your mother in law might have started to see you as her competition and what you need to do is to avoid doing things that could make her feel like that.

NO 3: Compliment her and point out her positives to others.  

This can be real hard if your mother in law constantly gives you snarky comments or looks for ways to cause you trouble but you can turn her to be like a mother if you be patient with her.

You need to show her you love her too even if she doesn’t get along with you at the moment.

NO 4: Start seeing her like another mother.

This is probably the last thing you want to do right now but trust me, it will work if you can put it into action.

If your mum does things that makes you angry or annoyed, you might get mad at her but you will never stop loving your mother right? Apply this to the relationship you have with your mother in law and see how she changes for the good.

Shower her with some sweet daughterly love from time to time. Check up on her health if she is not feeling well and be nice to her.

Did you know enemies who become friends can be more loving and faithful than some friends who backstab?

Be patient with her and treat her like your own mother. She will start loving you sooner than you think.

NO 5: Pay attention to things that matter to her.

Her own children are probably all grown up and busy with their own lives. This is the perfect time for you as a daughter in law to shine your best characteristics to her.

Make an effort to get to know her likes/dislikes and put them into practice whenever you get the chance to.

Even if she doesn’t appreciate you to your face, she will love you in her heart.

NO 6: Give her unexpected happy surprises.

She probably thinks you will be the last person to care about her birthday or wedding anniversary. Prove her wrong! Give her a happy surprise on her birthday with something she would love and buy sweet gifts for her from time to time.

NO 7: Never allow your children to have negative opinions about her.

Kids are honest and open. What you speak in front of them is what they will learn about their grandmother. Tell them good things about her instead of the bad things so some day when she hears it from them, she will be so happy about how much you respect and love her.

These tips aren’t going to turn her into a sweet person to you in 1 day but if you stick with them, you will see her changing day by day.

 

What do you to be on the positive side of your mother in law?

 

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