Breakup, no matter how many times it can happen in your life, is a painful thing to deal with. But the good news is that you can eventually get over it if you want to.
How long it takes to get over a breakup depends on these 3 things:
- How long you two have been together.
- How much memories you have created.
- How strong your emotional bonding with your boyfriend or girlfriend has been.
Now bear in mind that getting over a breakup does not mean that you will be able to forget him or her completely as if they never existed in your life. There is a rare possibility that you might be able to completely forget this person if he or she was just a physical lust thing and no emotional stuff.
Memories are only buried away but NEVER destroyed.
But if you’re trying to get over someone that you truly (you feel so) loved in your heart for however long time, you will not forget this person, never. You will be able to get over him or her but this person and the memories you have shared with him or her will always be buried in your heart somewhere.
Believe it when…
Someone says “Ah I’m over my boyfriend or girlfriend and I don’t ever think about him or her any more. I love my new boyfriend or girl with all my heart etc.” Why? Because the keyword here is that this person said “I’m over” which means they just trained their mind not to think about their ex anymore and did things to basically hide away the past memories.
Don’t believe it when…
Someone says “Who is she or he? I don’t remember anything about my ex and it feels like he or she never existed in my life. I can’t remember a single memory we shared together.”
The above statement is just plain lie that this person is telling themselves and to others because if you truly loved someone, you might be able to get over that person and move on in life but you will NEVER forget their memories. The memories will always be buried in your heart but as time flies by, you create new memories that eventually build up over the ones you have shared with your ex.
So if you ever find someone saying they don’t remember a single thing about their ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, it means they simply did not love that person truly.
A breakup is like moving to a new home.
Whether you hate your old house or not, the memories you have had from your old house will always be somewhere in your heart but you eventually learn to hide away those memories by creating new memories at your new home.
So the main point here is that if you’re trying to get over someone you truly loved at some point in your life, you will be able to get over this person and move on in your life but their memories will be buried in your heart as long as you live.
So how long does it actually take to get over a breakup?
How bad do you want to get over your boyfriend or girlfriend? If you want it so bad, you will make every effort possible to move on in your life. As mentioned earlier, you can get over a breakup in a month or a year depending on how much memories and emotional bonding you have shared with him or her.
Did you see a future with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend?
When you’re in love it is easy to get carried away into dreams about the future of your relationship. If you literally saw your ex as your future husband or wife in your heart and dreamed so much about your future together, it’s going to be pretty difficult to erase this thought out of your head.
I’m not talking about saving their name as ‘hubby’ or ‘wifey’ on the phone or updating Facebook statuses 24/7 about how madly you’re in love with him or her. I’m talking about the thoughts you have been creating in your heart about this person.
If you were crazily in love with your ex to the point where not talking to him or her for a day used to feel like eternity, it’s going to take some more time to get over this breakup than it would if you only loved them moderately without building much emotional bonding.
How long it takes to get over a breakup often shows you how much you loved or still love your ex.
Ever heard stories of people who stayed single forever after a breakup or committed suicide?
These people ended up in their situation not because they couldn’t get over the breakup but because deep in their heart, they didn’t even want to think about a life without their ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. It doesn’t mean that people who don’t remain single or kill themselves never loved their ex truly, but it’s just that not everyone has a strong heart to even think about moving on.
Some people grow up with a heart that cannot accept failure and they belong to these 2 categories:
- They either grow up in an environment where they have always got what they wanted.
- They grow up in an environment where they hardly ever got what they wanted.
Their mind would be all over the place and would not let them focus on a thing. Say for e.g. if you belong to the second category and you suddenly break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend that you thought was your life, you would feel like a failure when they no longer exist in your life.
If you ever find yourself in such situation, you need to know that it is possible to get over a breakup, no matter how intense the pain can be. It is possible.
I know because I have been through it.
I have found myself in a position where I sat outside my ex-boyfriends house early in the morning at 7am or so crying my eyes out for hours like a mad dog. I waited until he came outside and then spent that whole day crying my heart out to him to get back with me. He was my first true love and no matter what caused us to breakup, the reality of it was painful beyond what my words can ever describe.
I found myself crying for days and months. I tried to kill myself twice but by the mercy of my lord almighty, I didn’t die.
Now, almost 5-6 years later and with so many new memories in my life, I am completely over him but the memories and the pain I went through is still hidden in my heart. It only took me a few months to stop crying and move on with my life but it took a couple of years to actually get over the fact that he is a thing of my past.
I have fallen in love after him a few times and went through breakups but none of them were as painful as the one I went through with my first boyfriend. I was 16 at the time I met him and we shared many memories together during that 1 year and few months period.
I found myself in a state where my mind simply didn’t want to accept the fact that he is no more in my life. I did all kinds of things to get over him but the old memories are only painted away with new ones.
I know I’m going to sound like a broken record but it is a fact worth being repeated. If you want to get over a breakup with your boyfriend or girlfriend, it is absolutely possible but how long it takes depends on how bad you want to get over it. The more steps you take to create new memories in your life, the quicker you will hide the old memories of your ex.
Cry out loud!
The first few weeks or months of crying about your ex is perfectly fine. Cry your heart out because you will actually feel better when you cry rather than suffocating all the emotions inside yourself. Cry all you want and then start making the moves to MOVE on in your life.
Dealing with a breakup is a long thing, even when it comes to summing it up into words as you can see from the length of this post. So what I’ve decided is that I’m going to write a series on ‘How to Get over a Break up’ with about 6-10 parts in total. In my series, I will talk about what helped me get over my painful breakup and what you can do to get over yours in detail.
If you’re wondering what that would look like, have a look at my ‘How to Win a Girls Heart’ series.