Perhaps one of the most painful things a spouse may experience in his married life is to be cheated. This issue is traumatic and it can affect a person’s quality of life for many years, or in some cases, for a lifetime. This can happen because not everyone can completely move on, especially when the affair has caused the family’s break-up and tragic loss.
Also read: 10 Signs Your Wife Could be Having an Affair
A number of surveys report that among married couples, betrayal has been a universal problem that causes divorce, legal separations and annulments each year.
Statisticbrain reports that as of January 2014, 22% of married men have cheated at least once during their married lives and 14% married women have cheated. It may not seem big but when you think about the overall population, it is big.
Men are usually not concerned about how they were cheated or how long the affair has been going on. They are more concerned about the very fact that they were betrayed and that makes them angry and embarrassed, especially if it is discovered by many people who know him and his wife.
Men are usually not deeply concerned about how they were cheated or how long the affair has been going on. They are more concerned about the very fact that they were betrayed and that makes them angry and embarrassed, especially if it is discovered by many people who know him and his wife.
This is the reason why a great number of crimes have been committed by husbands who could no longer bear the shame and bruised ego that they have experienced because of their wives’ infidelity. Thinking about resorting to violence can just add fuel to the fire and committing fierce actions can never take you anywhere other than prison.
Take some YOU alone time.
If you have already confirmed that your wife is having an affair with another man, you have to firmly decide to go away from your wife for a certain period of time so that you can think of a more reasonable way to deal with the painful situation.
No matter what you do, don’t ever fall prey for suicidal thoughts.
Be sensible enough, and never give in to suicidal thoughts because you will gain nothing from it. It is normal to feel extreme fury because betrayal is such an emotionally traumatic issue.
What is more dangerous is when anger is unexpressed and such feeling is pent up within a person. That is why if you feel terribly furious you have to vent it out in healthy ways that would not endanger you or your loved ones.
Some men choose to work out in a gym, doing weight lifting or boxing, while some others just go to places where they can just shout their feelings out or throw rocks in order to expel their raging temper.
When you’ve released your anger you become more capable of thinking reasonably and so from that point you can consider different ways to deal with your problem.
It might seem to be a good choice to go to your own family or perhaps your friends to gather their suggestions, but sometimes biases will prevail and that might hinder you from choosing the right step to handle the problem. You have to understand that this kind of dilemma is between you and your wife. That means that you can solely decide how you are going to deal with the issue at hand.
In general, there are two options that you can choose from:
- The first option is that you can decide to save your marriage by listening to your wife’s explanation and apologies, releasing your forgiveness and moving on.
- The second option is to go to a family lawyer for legal counsel and eventually getting a divorce, legal separation or annulment, depending on the situation and the law that is applicable to your country.
If you plan to save your marriage…
If, for instance, you choose the first option because your love for your wife prevails in spite of what happened and you want to give her a second chance, then you have to decide how you will talk to her so that the reconciliation will be possible.
This necessitates genuine forgiveness. Forgiveness is looking beyond any kind of rationalization or justifications and setting aside all the hurts and pains that the other party has caused you.
You know that you can release forgiveness when you are capable of stepping outside of your own feelings and choosing to see the good in your wife rather than the thoughts of condemnation or bitterness that is caused by such her mistake.
It is not easy to forgive, especially in cases like yours, but it is possible when true love is there. Forgiveness can actually restore a relationship and make it stronger if you just choose it.
But what if your wife decides to end your marriage and you actually see that your relationship is already beyond repair?
Then the wisest thing to do is hire a qualified lawyer who will guide you into the necessary legal actions that you need to take. This basically includes the settlement on alimony, bank accounts, assets, parenting arrangements and financial support to children.
It would also be better if you get a divorce support team which will help you cope up with your emotional shock as well as those of your kids who are directly affected as well.
This support group is composed of the family lawyer, family therapist, tax accountant and financial adviser who will work together to help you and your family restore your life holistically.
The divorce process may not be as easy for your children because they are also traumatized with this arrangement whether you and your wife likes it or not. But it is better to set things properly and legally so that everyone can eventually achieve peace of mind and move on.
Although your marriage might not have a happy ending, it does not mean that you are doomed to suffer a life of bitterness. Even if you and your partner eventually decide to part ways you have to decide to release forgiveness for your own sake and for the good of your children. It is only by forgiving that you can completely move on and continue to live the kind of happy life that you deserve.